Divorce and junk food
No one in my family’s ever been divorced. That’s a lot of pressure.
Even at an early age, I understood that a bond should be permanent. Which is why I superglued all my Legos together. So what if I accidentally put them together the wrong way? They’d work it out! Even the relationships between my toys had integrity.
Totally unrelated, both the ladyfriend and my mom have been encouraging me to eat healthier. I’m something of an equal opportunity employer when it comes to mealtime. Peanut M&Ms? Sure. Frozen pizza? Lay it on me. One pork bun and a handful of Tic Tacs? You’re hired. Junk food fills an empty stomach and the hole in your soul!
But no more, they say. You should shop at Trader Joe’s, they say. So today I went. It bears mentioning that I have huge soft spots for peanut butter cups and kettle corn, which are both terrible for you. You know what they sell at Trader Joe’s? Multiple varieties of peanut butter cups and kettle corn! So life is meaningless, right?