I’ve spent more time watching Cops than some people have probably spent watching television in general. When you spend an evening inside watching lawmen dispense televised justice, you’re working overtime on an assembly line that manufactures nothing.
I’d argue that that show serves a legitimate sociological purpose by giving people permission to feel superior to the cast of toothless cracked-out characters that get arrested each week. You’d never do heroin. You’d never beat your wife. You’d never steal a car. But here comes a tornado or derelicts that do all those things. And then they get caught for your entertainment. Sure, you might be an evil bastard who prays for your enemy’s death, but at least you’ve never gotten caught robbing a gas station with a pickaxe.
A few things you learn from watching this perfect show:
- Everyone has crack or meth on them all the time.
- If you have your shirt off, you’re going to get arrested.
- Cops love explaining how their drug test kit works – “If this liquid turns blue, it’s positive for cocaine,” etc.
- Police dogs speak German.
- No bike cop has ever been mistaken as heterosexual.
The last big thing you learn is that Los Angeles is fucked up. Here’s a small study of the crazy things that happen there compared to the “crazy” stuff that happens elsewhere.
Anchorage, AK: A man gets sad so the cops take him to get psychiatric help.
Los Angeles, CA: A woman in a wheelchair gets beaten by her drunken caretaker.
Chattanooga, TN: A domestic disturbance call ends with a husband and wife kissing and making up.
Los Angeles, CA: A man is so desperate to avoid arrest that he shoots himself in the stomach.
California, get your act together. Or don’t. Either way, I’ll be watching.
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