Well, it happened. Two weeks and change out of the office has come to a close.
After a drive from Virginia to New York, I’m back in my apartment with a happy cat and new cookware. An egg-sandwich-maker. Experts sharing statistics I just made up predict my quality of life will shoot through the roof 1,000% if I eat breakfast every morning. In an effort to remove as many obstacles from this as possible (there aren’t many, I’m just lazy) Mom sent me back with this new kitchen gadget.
Though its stature be only diminutive, its potential proves infinite.
On second thought…It’s an egg-sandwich-maker. That’s about as niche as you can get.
There’s another brand new device in house as well: an air conditioner that functions properly. Turns out that there’s a major feature missing from my old air conditioner that the new one offers quite readily – producing cool air. With big thanks to Dad for installing it for me, I’m now bathing in the delightfully conditioned atmosphere that permeates my home.
The previous air conditioner (“Ol’ Nasty”) was a hasty Craigslist acquisition in a time of sudoric need. My bedroom was a swamp and I was its Swamp Thing. Any goddamned air conditioner and you would’ve sold me. After carting that thing 20 blocks, I set it up in my horridly small Chinatown rat den, sat under its chilly breath, and contemplated why I was living in a horridly small Chinatown rat den.
A lot has changed since then! Where I once was a lowly constable in a township called Mediocrity, I’m now the President of Successville with a slightly larger apartment. Ol’ Nasty was perfect for the old place, only having to tend to a whopping 50 square feet or so, but it ain’t cutting it in my new expanse of New York real estate.
Now that I’m back in town and all charged up and air conditioned, the workday don’t stand a chance.