Parties and naps
At any given moment I’m 50% ready to party, 50% ready to nap.
Sometimes I’ll nap during your party. I will make your tablecloth into my sleeping bag and your girlfriend into my pillow. I will balance red Solo cups over my eyes to keep the light out. I will ask you without shame to turn off the music and “What’s all that racket for?” I’m that serious about naps.
Sometimes I’ll party during your nap. You’ll be snuggly in your bed, a warm cat tucked under your arm. Then I’ll approach (from where?!) and whisper in your ear, “It’s time to start the revolution.” A gear-and-pulley system swings into action, propping your mattress up perpendicular to the floor. You fall over, delirious, and as your still-asleep body hits the floor a pressure-sensitive switch starts the stereo playing Drowning Pool’s “Let The Bodies Hit The Floor.” Your cat, while flustered, appreciates the joke. I’m that serious about parties.