For my next trick, I will make you understand me.

The weird stuff I saw on the subway today

I only take the subway when I have to. Too many elbows to the temple, too many crotches in my face, too many people heading to work in exactly the same direction. The collective mood of a train car on a weekday morning is not unlike that of the Titanic – taking on water and sinking. It’s enough to make you shout out loud, “There HAS to be a better way!”

I had to brave the underground terror tunnels this morning to bring my accordion home – you can’t very well strap a 30-pound accordion to your back and pedal it home on a bike, can you? The transit gods seemed to smile upon me for this occasion, treating me to a pleasant collection of odd sights (and smells) on my way to and from work.

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I agree with this.

This woman's hair is a magic puzzle. It's like a missing piece of artwork by MC Escher.

There's no way this is good for your back. I could've done this in another life, maybe.

Sad redhead. Cheer up, buddy. Someone loves you.

Then there's this guy, looking like a character from a forgotten Tim Burton movie. I wonder what kind of bird he murdered with his hands in order to acquire such a frilly black feather.